by Jeff Shinabarger

The less I try to do everything, the more I value the abilities and gifts of the people around me. Just after returning from a sabbatical where my wife, Andre, and I spent considerable time choosing priorities and prioritizing family, I promised to speak at two different events on consecutive nights of the week. When I sheepishly reported my plan, she reminded me of our shared commitment.

I hate having to call someone back to change my answer, but knew it was the right thing to do. This is when I stumbled upon a significant truth. Every opportunity not right for me brings an opportunity for someone else. When I claim more than what I can handle, I limit the opportunities for another person in my community. In essence, when we choose to do what we ought to do, forsaking all else, we create opportunities and access for others.

When I declined the speaking opportunity, I asked if I could recommend a friend of mine who would be incredible for their gathering. This created access to a new opportunity for him. My “no” turned into someone else’s “yes.”

Have you ever stopped to think about how you have arrived where you are today? I guarantee you that someone gave you an opportunity. Someone believed in your abilities and gave you a platform to live out what it is that makes you breathe today. Don’t we all want to be part of a community that has the best interest of others at its heart?

The greatest love you can give a friend is to help him or her find and achieve their calling. Let me say it another way. My greatest responsibility as a friend is to help others discover what only they are made to do. I want to be involved in a community that does everything possible to help each other find the unique value that only they can contribute to the world. I want to be a part of a community that works together to create platforms for that talent. I want to do less, so my friends can do what only they can do.

When you think about your aspirations for your closest friends do you really want them to succeed? Are you willing to celebrate their victories the way you’d celebrate your own? Wouldn’t you love to join a community of people helping each other pursue their dreams, aspirations, and purposes?

It starts with you and it starts with me. As you walk through your day, think about the people you love. How can you use your influence to help them succeed? What access do you have that can further the calling of a friend? When you give your opportunities and energy to serve the calling of others, everyone wins.

Jeff Shinabarger is the author of More or Less: Choosing a Lifestyle of Excessive Generosity. He is a social entrepreneur, experience designer, cofounder of the Q event, and creative director at Catalyst. He is also the founder of Plywood People, an innovative community addressing social needs through creative services. He’s been featured in national media such as CNN, NPR, and Relevant Magazine and has been interviewed by the Atlanta Journal-Constitution and the Chicago Sun-Times, among others. He and his family live in East Atlanta Village.

Christmas Facts. (2012). The History Channel website. Retrieved 11:40, December 13, 2012, from http://www.history.com/interactives/christmas-facts.

When each of our kids turned 16, their birthday gift was a mission trip of their choice. It’s proved to be a great experience for each of our children as they experienced serving alongside both peers and adults. While each met amazing adults who continue to speak into their lives today, our youngest daughter, Megan, met a woman, Robin, who was incredibly influential at a time when our daughter was at a bit of a crossroads. Robin encouraged and challenged Megan both spiritually and intellectually—she met her in a place where her dad and I couldn’t at that time in her life. Today, Megan is across the country attending college and Robin is, thankfully, just a couple of hours away, and continuing to be someone that Megan can rely on guidance from when she’s struggling and rejoicing along life’s journey.

In chapters three and four of Parenting Beyond Your Capacity, authors Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuwhof begin to explore five values that can help parents win at home. Let’s take a look at the first two: Widen the Circle and Imagine the End.

Don’t Fly Solo
So often parents feel like the entire state of their child’s future rests on how they pull off their job as mom or dad. Parents need to move away from the “me” mentality and embrace the “we” approach to parenting. Community is important for children; they need family to give them unconditional love and acceptance and a tribe to provide a sense of belonging and significance. Robin and other adults that were in Uganda with my daughter, Megan, showered her with a sense of mission and significance that has helped shape her future and her faith. Widen your child’s circle and leverage the influence of others with these steps:

• Look for a church that values community: A place that values authentic community and can be a strategic voice that speaks into your child’s life.
• Work with other leaders to find opportunities for your kids to serve: One of the best things we’ve ever done as parents is to send our kids out to serve with other adults in our community and world. It gives others a chance to speak to their hearts.
• Search for mentors in your community: Who are others such as a coach or teacher who might be a significant influence in your child’s life? Or how can you be a mentor in a child’s life? I mentor several high school students at our local school in their independent projects to serve homeless teens and to raise awareness about human trafficking. I believe they give me as much, if not more, than I give them!

What Matters Most
In the heat of the game, it’s often hard to focus on what the goal is. You can get so wrapped up in the day-to-day life of parenting with its many highs and lows, it’s easy to brush aside or forget what really matters in the end. For example, my middle daughter is 21 years old and battling with some choices in life. For a moment, I got completely caught up in the battle and just wanted to win. But it’s not about winning or losing (even though in the moment, it felt like it was). I needed to regroup and remember that what matters most is her relationship with God. So, I had to change my focus and provide her with the tools and encouragement that point her to Jesus. As parents, we need to remember that it’s not about the things or moments that will one day fade away, we need to build in our kids something real, valuable and everlasting.

Think On This
Who are the influential people in your children’s lives? As leaders, how are you providing and building leaders in your ministry who can be part of a child’s influential circle? What does your child’s relationship with God look like today? How are you leveraging your influence to point your child or other children toward a relationship with Jesus?

It seems like everyone is talking about the heat in the southeast. Twitpics of iPhone weather apps reporting 105-degree heat in Atlanta abound. Well, how do we at Orange stay cool? With an Orange Creamsicle Smoothie!

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup crushed ice
• 1/2 cup orange juice pulp (from ~3 oranges) or one whole peeled orange, pulled apart *
• 1 cup coconut milk (or milk of your choice)
• 1 scoop organic vanilla protein powder
• 1/4 tsp. pure vanilla extract
• 1/4 tsp. honey (optional for a sweeter taste)

*good source of fiber

Directions

Place all ingredients in blender and blend until smooth.

Nutrition Facts

Serving Size: 16 oz.

• Calories: 303
• Total Fat: 6 g
• Saturated Fat: 0 g
• Cholesterol: 0 mg
• Sodium: 219 mg
• Total Carbohydrate: 25 g
• Dietary Fiber: 3 g
• Sugars: 13 g
• Protein: 25 g

For this and other fiberlicious recipes, visit www.fortheloveoffiber.com.

This recipe was found: http://www.fitsugar.com/Healthy-Orange-Julius-Recipe-23752212

Carey Nieuwhof is the senior pastor of Connexus Community Church just outside of Toronto in Ontario, Canada. We’re pretty sure that he bleeds Orange. And Joel Manby is the president of Herschend Family Entertainment, a company with more than 2,500 employees around the United States and an annual revenue of more than $80 million. Joel has quite a story to share about nearly losing everything before he realized that he simply needed to reprioritize.

YouLead Podcast: Prioritizing Family

Developed by Orange, YouLead is a simple curriculum designed to develop the leadership skills of yourself, your team and your volunteers. It centers on answering three basic questions: What can I do to continue learning as a leader? How can I be intentional about connecting with my volunteers consistently? What can we do to stay on the same page as a team? We do this by creating materials that can be digested in 20 easy minutes a week. Click here to learn more about a subscription to YouLead.

Every month in YouLead, we provide you with email copy that you can use to inform, invest, encourage, and praise your volunteers and staff. Following is an example of the emails we write for your use and encourage you to send out on a weekly basis. Click here if you’d like to try out a free month of YouLead.

Did you know that sleeping, eating, drinking, working and watching TV takes up about 2/3 of the average American’s day?* Parents, of course, also spend time doing household chores, traveling, and taking care of kiddos.

Not surprisingly, some of the smallest slivers of time on parents’ daily to-do lists are personal care, socializing, relaxing, thinking, and faith-related activities.

So, what do you think kids today want most from their parents?

Another study tells us that the majority of children simply wish their parents were less tired and less stressed.**

This month, how can you prioritize not only more time with your family, but intentionally spend more time taking care of yourself, which benefits everyone?

* American Time Use Survey 2008
** Ask the Children Survey [http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/04/05/surprisingly-family-time-has-grown/]

Developed by Orange, YouLead is a simple curriculum designed to develop the leadership skills of yourself, your team and your volunteers. It centers on answering three basic questions: What can I do to continue learning as a leader? How can I be intentional about connecting with my volunteers consistently? What can we do to stay on the same page as a team? We do this by creating materials that can be digested in 20 easy minutes a week. Click here to learn more about a subscription to YouLead.

For me and the way I am wired, leading MarriedPeople can be very challenging. And despite the fact that I take pretty good care of myself, my body has been letting me know that I am stressing more than I think—grinding my teeth is just one example. Yesterday, I had an hour in the car and I talked to God about the situation. Bottom line I said, “God, please help me to know how safe I am with You.”

Later in the afternoon around 2:30, I went out on the trampoline with my kids. Despite the fact it’s February, the weather was perfect.

We jumped and laughed and hid from the hawks flying overhead. I was enjoying myself. I was enjoying my kids. I was enjoying the weather. It felt so good. Then a moment happened that I hope I never forget.

The jumping stopped and we were all on our backs looking up. My nine-year-old son, Judson, who is not affectionate to the point of concerning his mom and me, laid on top of me with his head in my neck and his body “Koala Bear-ed” into mine. I held him close but not hard. He typically tries to squirm or get out of any hug that feels tight. But in that moment that lasted probably a little over a minute, he was totally relaxed and tucked neatly into me. I had him just where I wanted him.

My big boy was letting me hold him. In that moment, God gave me exactly what I asked of Him, to know I am safe with Him. As Judson’s father, I loved that he trusted me enough to hold him. I loved that nothing had to be said. There was a peace and safety between a dad and his son that was just right. And in that moment without anything being said, I knew I was safe with God. He loves to and is so able to hold me; I just have to let him.

So many times, I squirm, worry, stress, grind my teeth while I am doing “God’s work.” I think God thinks about me the way I think about Judson, “Just let me hold you, you are safe, I’ve got this. I’ve got you. I love you, my boy.”

God help me to become a man in my world by becoming a child in Yours.

How do you let God hold you amidst the chaos of you’re His world?

From 2001-2010, Ted Lowe worked as the director of MarriedLife at North Point Community Church. His wife Nancie played a huge role in hosting and planning MarriedLife programs at North Point. It was during their time at North Point that they decided they not only wanted to help the married people at North Point, but married people at churches all over the world. So, in partnership with Orange and church leaders everywhere, they are working fast and furiously to—HELP CHURCHES HELP MARRIAGES. They have three children: Chapman, Judson, and Teddie, and live in Cumming, Georgia. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook.

What kind of picture are you creating for your families that walk in the doors of your church? Is it a picture that they may never be able to live up to? In this video, Reggie challenges us to help our families live a bigger story not just a better picture, because God is telling a story of restoration and redemption through each of our lives.

December YouLead Webcast: Reggie Joiner

Sunday our pastor, Andy Stanley, gave an amazing message on giving called, An Ounce of Prevention. He said there are two types of giving:

1) Intervention giving is emotional and the results are measurable.

2) Prevention giving is neither. But it is far superior.

He makes the point that intervention giving is important. In fact, North Point Ministries just raised $2,000,000 to immediately help charities in the Atlanta area. They also pledged 15,000 hours of volunteer service to help these charities. What an amazing example of intervention giving. But then, in what I thought was an amazingly insightful and brave leadership move, he said, “But prevention giving is far superior to intervention giving.” He gave many examples of why this is true, but of course my favorite was his example of marriage ministry. When a church has a preventive approach to marriage, the problem is that they never know what they have prevented, so they don’t have emotional stories to tell. When a church creates a tool or sets up a relationship to “save” a marriage, it often results in a measurable and sensational story; which is great. We will not know until heaven what good marriages were made great, what divorces were prevented and everything in between. But there is no argument that preventing a couple from crisis is far superior to crisis intervention.

Many churches have an intervention approach to helping marriages. Why? I think the stories of divorce and pain have left many of them shelled-shocked, fighting in triage mode. But we talk to church leaders every day who get that a prevention approach is far superior to an intervention approach. And while there may be very few church leaders paid to solely focus on marriage ministry, there are children, student, family and lay leaders who are coming out of the woodwork asking questions and giving answers for marriage that fall under the preventive category. I think these questions and answers are leading to stories that aren’t as sensational, but they are far superior. Perhaps a story of a step-family of five staying together instead of splitting once again. Maybe a boy will have his dad at home until he goes to college instead of seeing him every other weekend. Maybe a couple comes to Christ because a neighbor invited them to a “marriage thing” at church. Maybe many marriages that would have been dull and lifeless are full of laughter and life. Why? Because the church taught them how.

The new year is coming, what are some fresh, preventive and strategic moves your church can make to create stories that may never be told?

From 2001-2010, Ted Lowe worked as the director of MarriedLife at North Point Community Church. His wife Nancie played a huge role in hosting and planning MarriedLife programs at North Point. It was during their time at North Point that they decided they not only wanted to help the married people at North Point, but married people at churches all over the world. So, in partnership with Orange and church leaders everywhere, they are working fast and furiously to—HELP CHURCHES HELP MARRIAGES. They have three children: Chapman (10), Judson (7), and Teddie (5), and live in Cumming, Georgia. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook.

Whether your travels take you through the seven levels of the Candy Cane Forest, past the Sea of Swirly, Twirly Gumdrops, or through the Lincoln Tunnel, we hope you have a safe and joyous Christmas, filled with precious memories to last the whole year long. And remember, for Christmas dinner, try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup!