One of the things I’m looking the most forward to at this year’s Orange Conference is the MarriedPeople Network Gathering on Thursday night. People have to sign up for the Gatherings, so we have the advantage of knowing who’s coming.

I actually googled all our attendees to see what role they play at their church. Of the thirty or so who have signed up for the Marriage Ministry Gathering, how many do you think are paid full- or part-time by their church to focus on marriage? As of now, zero. That’s right, the MarriedPeople Gathering will be attended by senior pastors, executive pastors, small group pastors, children’s pastors, volunteer coordinators and everyone in between, not a marriage pastor in site.

It used to frustrate me when I found out that the marriage offerings at The Orange Conference were attended by people who weren’t paid to focus on marriage. Now, I love it. Why? Because I’ve found over the years that most of the people who attend marriage offerings at conferences are there because they are passionate about helping marriages. This may sound like a dreamer statement, but I believe it’s true: I feel we are on the cusp of marriage ministry taking ahold in churches all over the world. And I love the idea that it is being started by people who don’t have marriage ministry in their job description, who already have too much to do, and/or who feel unqualified. I love the idea that some of the people at The Orange Conference will be brave enough to go home and shake things up a bit in order to make marriage ministry a priority. I love the idea that some of them will ask for their job descriptions to be changed in whole or in part to make marriage ministry a priority. I love the idea that some of them will leave their church to be a part of a church that makes marriage ministry a priority.

I imagine youth ministry—that didn’t exist that long ago—started, in part, the same way. I imagine some of these leaders were at conferences and gatherings that didn’t have much to do with youth ministry but they somehow found each other and had conversations that frustrated and inspired them to do what they knew God was calling them to do: youth ministry. We’ve been praying this is exactly what will happen for marriage ministry at OC13. So, beware if you are coming to a marriage offering at The Orange Conference simply because you chose the short stick. God just might call you to marriage ministry!

I look forward to finding and seeing my marriage ministry misfits next week at The Orange Conference. Are you coming?

From 2001–2010, Ted Lowe worked as the director of MarriedLife at North Point Community Church. His wife, Nancie, played a huge role in hosting and planning MarriedLife programs at North Point. It was during their time at North Point that they decided they not only wanted to help the married people at North Point, but married people at churches all over the world. So, in partnership with Orange and church leaders everywhere they are working fast and furiously to HELP CHURCHES HELP MARRIAGES. They have three children: Chapman (10), Judson (7), and Teddie (5), and live in Cumming, Georgia. You can follow Ted on Twitter and Facebook.

As The Orange Conference is growing closer and closer, the Orange staff is moving faster and faster. Everyone’s goal is to get everything done, and done amazingly well by the conference. I lead the MarriedPeople team and we are no different. Our goal is to have a year’s worth of brand new content by OC13. One of our biggest projects is creating 12 funny videos that churches can show at larger gatherings like weekend worship services or one-night events. Yes, I meant to type 12. Some of the scenes of the funny videos were shot at our home. On the day they shot at our home, our cul-de-sac and my drive way were packed with cars, and my house was filled with a couple dozen people and more video equipment than they used to shoot Titanic.

Despite all the chaos, my heart on that day and many days since has been so full, so thankful. Here are just two of the many reasons why:

1) I’m NOT doing it on my own. God has surrounded MarriedPeople with some of the most talented people I know. But they are not only talented, they are really some of the best people I know. The way they treated every actor, every producer, every grip, even my dog that kept running into the scenes, was in a way that I know made God smile.

2) I’m married to Nancie Lowe: To say our home had been invaded would be a huge understatement. One scene was even shot in our bed. (PG, of course.) One scene involved an alien baby spewing green slime into the faces of his mom and dad. My wife knew all of this was going to happen. Not only did she clean our house before the shoot, she ensured all involved that, not only was she okay with them using our house, she was thankful they were pouring themselves into the project. (By the way, those great people who worked on the videos left our home in perfect condition!)

Yes, this time of year is crazy for those of us preparing for the conference. I definitely have some moments when I want to hide in the corner of my basement and rock in the fetal position. But I’m thankful. Thank You, God, for the craziness of Orange and the crazy great people that surround my life.

How do you thank the crazy great people that surround your life and ministry?

From 2001–2010, Ted Lowe worked as the director of MarriedLife at North Point Community Church. His wife, Nancie, played a huge role in hosting and planning MarriedLife programs at North Point. It was during their time at North Point that they decided they not only wanted to help the married people at North Point, but married people at churches all over the world. So, in partnership with Orange and church leaders everywhere they are working fast and furiously to HELP CHURCHES HELP MARRIAGES. They have three children: Chapman (10), Judson (7), and Teddie (5), and live in Cumming, Georgia. You can follow Ted on Twitter and Facebook.

As I think about our Sunday morning worship experience, I strongly believe people should have fun at church. Yes, the messages must be biblically sound, helpful and meaningful, but I believe people are just plan tired of boring church.

Realizing that having fun can be hard to do when you have a to-do list that’s a mile long, I partnered with Ted Lowe and MarriedPeople to make it happen. As a church, we help marriages that are hurting but we also spend intentional time helping healthy marriages stay healthy. With the help of MarriedPeople, we created a 60-minute Sunday morning service where we tackled the tough topic of adultry (Proverbs 5:1-20). While what the Bible said was very tough for some to hear, the resources from MarriedPeople helped us share a solid biblical truth with an incredible dose of fun and laughter.

Now, I know some of you are thinking, What about all the singles in the room? I had the same thought, so I talked with several during preparations for the service and they all said that they either want to be married or know married people. But to go the extra mile, and to acknowledge and engage everyone in the room, we told all singles that if they thought today was a total waste of time, they could stop by our Welcome Center and pick up a Starbucks gift card and at least get a free coffee out of it. Interestingly enough, no gift cards where picked up.

To create the mood for the day, we had a violinist playing in the entry foyer. Once in the auditorium, our key -boardist played classical music and servers handed out bottles of water and doughnut holes. (This isn’t in the MarriedPeople resources, we added it. One of the great benefits of partnering with MP is that you can adapt their resources to fit your service style, your in-house talent, and your available time and resources.)

Once the service began, we opened with a little Van Halen, then a MarriedPeople video, followed by a love song called “4 Chords.” Then our host played a game with pre-selected contestants. Next, we showed another MP video, sang a Michael Buble song, showed another MP video prior to me speaking for 30 minutes. We closed with “God Gave Me You” by Dave Barnes. All of that happened in 60 minutes. Can you believe that?! The feedback from the morning was more than normal and everyone raved about the day. I have to say, it was A-Ma-Zing.

The way MP has thought through this makes it really easy to implement on Sunday morning. From the high quality videos to multiple song and game options, to an existing script, to the “Can’t Wait Date Card,” for husband and wives to enjoy together, this truly is an event that is easily implemented. This is the needle in the haystack we were looking for.

Beth stood at the kitchen window as she saw Blake drive away for the last time before their divorce was to be complete. Once his car was out of view, she hit her knees and sobbed. The kids would be home from school any minute, she had better get herself together.

Blake’s hands were shaking and he was out of breath so he pulled into the neighborhood clubhouse. He was surprised at his response. After all, this was the best thing for everyone, especially the kids, right?

Just then, the school bus turned into the neighborhood next to the clubhouse. Parents were waiting for their kids. But he wasn’t. His daughters got off the bus and headed to his car, despite the fact that they were confused to meet him there on a Thursday.

Beth looked out the window and saw Blake driving back up the driveway and was very confused to see the girls in his car.

Blake stopped the car, wondering if he should make a quick exit or allow the girls to get settled in first.

Paralyzed by the sight, Beth wondered why Blake had the girls. Is he saying goodbye? He had better not; they had decided that Saturday at lunch was the best time. What if he . . . . Has he changed his mind? That’s not possible. They were both certain. Right?

The girls hopped out of Blake’s car. Jenny, the spitting image of Beth, turned and said, “Get out, Daddy!” Sara was already on her way inside the house. She had been distant for months. He and Beth both agreed she knew something was up.

“Hi baby, how was your day?” Beth asked Sara as she breezed by. “Fine,” Sara said, continuing without pause to her room.

Then, firecracker Jenny came barreling in. “Mommy, why did Daddy meet us at the bus?” she asked. “Jake’s mom always meets us on Thursdays.” Before getting an answer, she ran back outside to see what was keeping her Dad.

Blake, still frozen and not knowing what to do, watches as Jenny runs toward the car, shouting: “Daddy, what are you doing? Get out. Let’s play. Jump with me on the trampoline.” “No, Jenny. I have to go,” he said. “Go where?” she asked. “Honey, I . . . have . . . I have to work and I need to, . . . ” his voice trailed off. Her face went from exuberant to flat in a millisecond. What had appeared to be a great surprise on a random Thursday was now just a big disappointment.

“Come on, Jenny,” Beth said, walking outside. “Come inside. Dad needs to go.”

Seeing Beth and Jenny standing there together, looking just alike, killed him. “Beth, can we talk for just a minute,” Blake said before thinking.

“Blake, don’t you need to get back to work?” Beth said.

“Yes, but it will only take a minute,” he said. “Jenny, can you give me and your mom just a few minutes?” Jenny kicked the ground and ran inside.

Then Blake said . . . .

Attention anyone passionate about marriage: What do you want Blake to say? What do you want Beth to say? How does your heart long for this story to end, or at least re-begin?

I’m a dreamer. Every day, moms and dads are driving away for the last time, and families are dividing up permanently. I believe the Church’s role is to change those stories, restore those stories. I beg of you, start the ball rolling at your church. Start leveraging your church to help marriages. I know you have a lot on your plate for 2013, but please make room for the Beths, Blakes, Saras and Jennys that surround your church.

From 2001–2010, Ted Lowe worked as the director of MarriedLife at North Point Community Church. His wife, Nancie, played a huge role in hosting and planning MarriedLife programs at North Point. It was during their time at North Point that they decided they not only wanted to help the married people at North Point, but married people at churches all over the world. So, in partnership with Orange and church leaders everywhere they are working fast and furiously to HELP CHURCHES HELP MARRIAGES. They have three children: Chapman (10), Judson (7), and Teddie (5), and live in Cumming, Georgia. You can follow Ted on Twitter and Facebook.

At their worst, events for married couples are confusing, leaving couples more frustrated than ever. At their best, events for married couples are a catalyst, moving couples in the direction of each other and your church. Discover how to create life-changing events for couples that you can actually pull off, with less effort and money than you think.

YouLead Featured Podcast: Create an Event for Married People that Matters by Ted Lowe

Developed by Orange, YouLead is designed to develop the leadership skills of yourself, your team and your volunteers. It centers on answering three basic questions: What can I do to continue learning as a leader? How can I be intentional about connecting with my volunteers consistently? What can we do to stay on the same page as a team? We do this by creating materials that can be digested in 20 easy minutes. Click here to learn more about a subscription to YouLead.

A Christmas tradition at our house is decorating the Christmas tree—very . . . slowly. For you, this may seem painful, but we literally take out one ornament at a time and tell its story.

As you can see, our first Christmas tree as a married couple had about 10 ornaments. Why? Not just because we were broke but because we were dead set on our ornaments having meaning.

Fast-forward 18 years later, and as you can see, we have so many ornaments we have to practically hang ornaments from ornaments.

It makes me smile to think about going back in time and telling myself at that first Christmas, all that would transpire in the next 18 years: three kids, and many, many meaningful (in every sense of the word) moments. I can just see the young me, with hair, freaking out, running and screaming out of our tiny apartment’s door.

There’s a reason God says His Word is a lamp unto our feet. If His Word was a spot light, and we could see many years in advance, I think most of us would hide under a rock. If you would have told me on our first Christmas that in a few years I would lose my aunt and cousin suddenly, I would’ve told you I couldn’t survive it. If you had described all the challenges we would have in ministry, I would have told you I couldn’t survive it. If you had told me how we would struggle in our marriage around year four and five, I would have told you I couldn’t survive it.

The great news is that God gives us only one ornament at a time, not more than we can handle. Some of the ornaments He gives us scare us and we wonder if we will survive. But when we hang around and trust Him, typically we find out even the so-called bad ornaments are rich with meaning.

God, thank You for those four people standing in front of that tree. I don’t deserve them, but thank You for giving them to me anyway. I don’t know what is going to happen in the next 18 years, and I don’t want to know. I’m grateful to live life the way You designed it, one meaningful ornament at a time.

After serving as the director of MarriedLife at North Point Community Church in Alpharetta, Georgia, Ted recently started an organization called MarriedPeople. MarriedPeople partners with Orange to create resources and training tools for leaders who work with married couples. Ted lives in Cumming, Georgia, with his four favorite people: his wife, Nancie, and their three children. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook.

My mom died suddenly of pancreatitis when I was ten. How’s that for starting off a post with a total bummer? But it leads to something great, I promise. One of the things that killed me for several years after her death, was the fact that her things were just like she left them. After she died, it was just my dad, my brother and me. We weren’t exactly proactive when it came to the practical side of “moving on.”

Her clothes were still in her closet. Her hairbrush was still in the drawer. The house was still decorated the way she left it. For years, it was as if she was just there, or could come home any minute. This was so painful to me, a young boy with an active imagination. I would pretend she was coming home. I longed to see her cook in our kitchen one more time. I would have given anything to see her talking on the phone in the kitchen, the one with the very long cord. Basically, I ached for her.

So, how does that lead to something great? I have decided to not let grief be just a bad thing in my life, but the catalyst for great things too. I intentionally notice and thank God for the little things. For instance, I love the smell in the air when Nancie is blow-drying her hair. It doesn’t just smell great; it reminds me that God gave me a gorgeous woman to do life with. I love to get in my car and for the seat to be super close to the steering wheel. It reminds me I’m not doing life alone, I have a sweetheart who shares my things. I love it when we watch our favorite shows, the ones we have “DVRed.” We laugh at the same exact things, often rewinding it again and again. When I watch the same shows by myself, they aren’t nearly as funny as watching them with her.

God forbid if something happen to Nancie, these are just a few of hundreds of things I would miss about her, about us. The great news is that I’m not missing these things about her, about us. I’m living them. Grief taught me to be grateful. And I’m so grateful for all the little things that make us a couple, but even more, the things that make Nancie, Nancie. I love you Nancie Lee Hoblitzell Lowe, I love doing life with you. I love all the signs of your life!

What little things do you love about your spouse?

After serving as the director of MarriedLife at North Point Community Church in Alpharetta, Georgia, Ted recently started an organization called MarriedPeople. MarriedPeople partners with Orange to create resources and training tools for leaders who work with married couples. Ted lives in Cumming, Georgia, with his four favorite people: his wife, Nancie, and their three children. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook.

I’m working on a book focused on the need for churches to have a proactive marriage strategy. In a way only writing can, it is bringing me back to the basics. When I say basic, I mean borderline, embarrassingly basic. Like this basic question, a question someone in my field should have nailed cold:

Why should churches have a marriage strategy?

Potential Answer One: Because marriage is the reflection of Christ and the Church.
If this is the case, then shouldn’t the church do everything in its power to ensure that reflection makes Christ and the Church look really great? Marriage is important because it points to something even more important; how much God loves His people.

Potential Answer Two: Because marriage greatly impacts children
As I have visited churches all over the country, one thing is clear: the church cares about kids. Just check out the kids’ space/wing/facility/amusement parks of most churches. What better gift can we give to a child than helping their parents have great marriages?

Potential Answer Three: Maybe the church shouldn’t help marriages.
A lot of churches aren’t doing anything proactive to help marriages. Maybe that’s because they subconsciously or consciously think it’s not the churches place or area of expertise. Maybe we should continue to leave it up to professionals like counselors and/or parachurch organizations.

While I can’t argue potential answer three as a good answer, I have and do argue the case of potential answer one and two. But the answer I think is the best, is none of the above.

Why should the churches have a marriage strategy?

My answer: Because marriage is a spiritual issue.
Of all three biblical purposes for marriage: functional (Genesis 2:18-25) sacramental (Ephesians 5:22-33) and transformational (Ephesians 5:15-33), the purpose of transformation seems superior to the other two purposes. This purpose of marriage and the purpose of the church is the same: to make people more like Jesus and draw them closer to God. It makes sense really. When marriage isn’t working it robs people of their best possible relationship with God. If you are passionate about children and their faith, then empowering marriages is a must. Family is the platform on which God builds faith. Faith effects family. Family effects faith.

What’s your answer to the question: Why should the churches have a marriage strategy?

After serving as the director of MarriedLife at North Point Community Church in Alpharetta, Georgia, Ted recently started an organization called MarriedPeople. MarriedPeople partners with Orange to create resources and training tools for leaders who work with married couples. Ted lives in Cumming, Georgia, with his four favorite people: his wife, Nancie, and their three children. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook.

Nancie and I spent our first five years of marriage in southern California. While we were there, we made some dear friends for life. We recently took a vacation to visit some of those dear friends. While we were visiting, we showed our kids where we lived and worked. While their interest level wasn’t all we dreamed it to be, for Nancie and me it was a great trip down memory lane, especially when we drove by our first house. Nancie and I both were like little kids when we saw it for the first time in years.

Since seeing our little house, I have wondered, when it comes to homes, have we taken five steps forward or five steps back.

Size: Our first house was 900 square feet. The yard was about the size of three picnic blankets. The house we live in now is several times bigger than that and we live on over an acre lot. With the little house, we could have the thing cleaned from top to bottom and the yard manicured in an hour and a half. The house we live in now never seems to be cleaned from top to bottom or have a manicured lawn.

Cost: We rented that house and could walk away whenever we wanted. By the time we pay off our current house, our kids will probably be newlyweds living in their first, maybe even second houses.

Gratitude: We both agreed that we were more excited to move in that little house then any of the other homes we have lived in since. When my wife talks about it, she is just so stinking cute. Just thinking and talking about it seems to make her 24 again.

Don’t get me wrong. We love our home. We love the space. We love the kids having lots of room inside and outside to play. We love having room when people come over. But if I am being really honest, once again, I would love to be able to go back to 1996 and visit myself in that little house.

Here’s what I would say—

Size: This is a great size house. Always remember, the more you have, the more you have to take care of. Every minute you are cleaning or maintaining a home is a minute you could be doing something else.

Cost: If you ever think about moving out of this house and buying a house, buy way less than you can afford. Don’t make yourself house poor. And remember, every dollar you spend on a house is a dollar you could save or spend on something else.

Gratitude: You are very grateful for this little house. Regardless of where you live, always be this grateful that God has put a roof over your head and has given you a wife to make your house a home. Oh how lonely you would be without her!

God, thank You that You love me regardless of where I live. Help me to have your perspective when it comes to stuff!

What have you learned through your home buying experiences?

My wife and I have said many times that we would love to go back to when we first got married and tell ourselves a thing or two. One of the things I would love to say to the young, even-with-more-hair, Ted is this, “Shhhhhhhh.” For example—

Grumpy Ted: I’m not a morning person. Early in the morning I can say things or respond in ways I regret the moment my coffee is working it’s magic. Over the last few years, I silently remind myself in the morning, “Don’t talk, or say very little.” It has saved my family and me from Grumpy Ted, the Ted nobody wants to be around.

Devil’s Advocate Ted: For reasons I won’t unpack here, I tend to be the Devil’s Advocate Ted when Nancie or the kids have a new idea. But several years ago, a dear friend told me he has decided to make his default response to his family “Yes” instead of “No.” When I apply this to my relationship with my family, I know they feel more valued and more excited to share their new ideas.

Sarcastic Ted: While I sometimes argue that sarcasm is a spiritual gift, it is wasted on my wife. After almost 18 years of marriage, Nancie still doesn’t get it when I am being sarcastic, and the times I am sarcastic never seem to take our marriage to a great place. She just doesn’t understand or appreciate sarcasm. So, I keep sarcasm to a minimum because I can’t live life without it—completely.

“My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,” (James 1:19).

I wish I had listened to James 18 years ago, but “Better late than never,” said Shhhh Ted.

After serving as the director of MarriedLife at North Point Community Church in Alpharetta, Georgia, Ted recently started an organization called MarriedPeople. MarriedPeople partners with Orange to create resources and training tools for leaders who work with married couples. Ted lives in Cumming, Georgia, with his four favorite people: his wife, Nancie, and their three children. You can follow him on Twitter and Facebook.