For several years, Woodmen Valley Chapel’s Access Ministry (Colorado Springs, Colorado) has offered regular respite events for its participating families. Katie has led the Access Ministry with the mindset that special needs ministry is a whole family ministry. And logically,  as the special needs ministry grew the church added the respite piece of programming. The purpose of the respite was to not only provide parents a break but to also provide spouses the opportunity to reconnect through alone time together. But about a year ago Katie began noticing that mothers who once showed up at respite check-in with their husbands now arrived without their spouse. Instead of heading out for a date night, parents were doing their own thing, running errands while their children were in the church’s care. As a mother herself, Katie recognized the value of a shopping trip in peace, but was sad that parents weren’t refueling their marriage during this time. At the same time, Katie noticed that some of the parents who were spending the respite time together were showing up at pick-up more tense or sad, giving evidence that the “date” had not ended well. Fresh off these observations, Katie felt burdened to work more proactively to help the marriage inside the family with special needs.

That desire led Katie to MarriedPeople’s Ted Lowe.  Many parents of kids with disabilities need help connecting with each other. Katie wanted to give these parents something that would keep them focused on each other and with a tool that would facilitate constructive and encouraging conversation. Ted introduced Katie to the Can’t Wait Date Challenge Kits and Woodmen Valley Chapel began using them in conjunction with their Access respite events. As parents dropped off their children at respite, they were handed a CWDC script to go through together and during their time without their kids. Katie shared in The Orange Conference workshop that the response was immediate and rejuvenating to the whole ministry. Parents were again going on dates (rather than running independent errands). And more importantly, the spouses were arriving at pick-up giving evidence of a positive and uplifting time together.

“We realized that these parents had forgotten how to connect. They didn’t even know what to talk about aside from managing life details, usually related to the complex needs of their children. And many of these spouses had forgotten how to laugh. The ‘Can’t Wait Date Challenge’ questions gave our couples fun conversation starters. And for the first time, husbands and wives were focused on each other. And we saw this in their eyes and attitude when they arrived to pick up their children from respite. I honestly had no idea that adding this simple tool would have such a huge impact on the families and in our entire ministry.”  ~ Katie Garvert

Can't Wait Date Challenge Sample Questions

Katie Garvert is the Access Ministries Coordinator for Woodmen Valley Chapel in Colorado Springs, Colorado. WVC currently serves 70 individuals affected by special needs. Over the past eight years, Katie has helped WVC establish special needs inclusion programming over virtually every age group and stage of life for this multi-site church. The Access ministry hosts a parent support group, regular parent respite events, sibling retreats and summer camp experiences for children and students with special needs. Prior to joining the WVC staff, Katie was a special education teacher in the Colorado public school system.

Originally posted on The Inclusive Church blog, May 6, 2013. Used with permission.

It was a really incredible undertaking, and we were excited to work with a number of talented artists in the process. A huge thanks to these amazing people! Below we’ll list their websites so you can continue to support them from home.

CARPENTERS
Atlanta City Builders
http://atlantacitybuilders.webs.com/

PAINTINGS
Hannah Joiner
http://www.krop.com/kairosoul/

PRESCHOOL PHOTOGRAPHY
Kelley Ryden
http://kelleyryden.com/index2.php?v=v1#!/home

Kelle McEntegart
http://www.kellemacphotography.com

Kathleen Bowie
http://www.kathleenbowiephotography.com

CHILDREN AND PRETEEN PHOTOGRAPHY
Patrick Schneider
http://www.patrickschneiderphoto.com

STUDENT PHOTOGRAPHY
Andy Brophy
http://onenineimages.com

Here is the Social content for the topic of “Appreciation:”

YouLead Social: Appreciation 01

• Monday: Do for 1 what you wish you could do for everyone, knowing that everyone isn’t going to be treated the same way. #DeepWide
• Tuesday: YOU make a difference every day! Thank you for all you do! http://bit.ly/6Lphx
• Wednesday: “We make a living by what we do, but we make a life by what we give.” –Winston Churchill #Appreciation #Volunteers
• Thursday: Appreciation Matters: http://bit.ly/A5FA1p
• Friday: We always appreciate you! http://bit.ly/10uWRXm

• Monday: “When you widen the circle, the goal is to have other trusted adults in the lives of children before they need them so they will be there when they need them.” –Reggie Joiner
• Tuesday: Thanks for being the trusted adult in the lives of children here at [insert church name here].
• Wednesday: “We make a living by what we do, but we make a life by what we give.” –Winston Churchill
• Thursday: Appreciation Matters: http://bit.ly/A5FA1p
• Friday: A bit of fun mixed with appreciation for our volunteers! http://bit.ly/10uWRXm

What you do matters—even when you don’t always see it. Sometimes, it’s the kids you think may not hear a word you say that will one day surprise you the most. Listen to this volunteer’s story:

I’ll never forget the first time I met Matt. He showed up at a lock-in at the church just before we locked everyone in, and there was the subtle smell of beer masked by the combination of peppermint gum and peanut butter. It would’ve been easy to tell him he wasn’t welcome and to go home; but something told me to invite him in to stay for the night. He sat in the corner with his buddies while we worshiped and fell asleep during our youth pastor’s message. But the following week, Matt came to church on Sunday morning. Then later that year, he signed up to go on a summer mission trip. It was a struggle for him to spend a whole week without a cigarette and while he worked really hard, he muttered on our return that the only reason he went was because he had never been to California. Sometimes, it was hard to love Matt but because he showed up every week, I made sure I connected with him, gave him a hug, and I went to his baseball games because his dad wasn’t around and mom was usually too intoxicated to show up. Matt graduated from high school and I honestly didn’t know if he really ever connected with his faith or made a decision to follow Christ—every time it came up he made a joke and changed the subject.

Facebook reconnected Matt and I a few years ago. While his life continued on a rough journey after high school, those seeds that were planted eventually began to grow. Matt got married, had a few kids of his own, and connected with a great church. He and his wife have become foster parents and have a heart for troubled kids—because they both came from unstable homes growing up. When it was my birthday, Matt wrote me this note on Facebook: “Happy Birthday to one of the most influential people in my life. Your example of what it means to be a follower of Jesus always stuck with me and I only hope that I can also be that kind of influence for my own kids and the ones my wife and I open our home to in foster care. Thank you for believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself.”

Leaders: Know how much we appreciate you and the time and love you give to our kids and teens every week. Never doubt that the seeds you plant are rooted in good soil and will bear much fruit for years to come.

Thank you for walking alongside our kids in faith and love at [insert church name here]. You’re influence will carry into the futures of our young people.

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Picture it: It was December 2003, on the north side of Indianapolis, a young, soon-to-be-mom was counting the last few weeks of her pregnancy and trying to pass the time, when she remembered her husband had an Xbox. And so . . . she spent the next weeks addicted to Tetris. Not only that, but she also discovered that she could play CDs while she played—this thrilled her because she’d just bought Jessica Simpson’s new album, “In This Skin.” What luck! (smirk)

Would you believe that girl was me? It’s true. I am a recovering Tetris addict and Jessica Simpson fan. Anytime I hear a Jessica Simpson song, I am transmitted through a time portal to being “great with child” and a master at Tetris. I was fast and I had a great strategy! I could do it without thought, I was a machine! (No, my unborn child, was not harmed by my indulgence in such entertainment and has turned out to be a pretty great 9-year-old, thankyouverymuch!)

That leads us to this week’s study of The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor. This week, we’ll unpack two happiness principles, Principle #3 The Tetris Effect and Principle #4 Falling Up.

Principle #3 The Tetris Effect
Just as Jessica Simpson triggers an urge in me to play Tetris, others have said that if they play Tetris for an extended period of time, they catch themselves naturally playing it during ordinary day-to-day things. One person admitted that while grocery shopping, He was looking at the cereal boxes for shapes and sizes to make them match.

In our work and personal lives, we are often rewarded for noticing the problems that need solving, stresses that need managing, and the injustices that need righting. The trouble with this is that we miss out on the positive. The good news is we can retrain our brains to scan for the positive! William James once said: “My experience is what I agree to attend to.”

Tetris Effect Challenge:

The best way to kick start retraining our brains to look for the positive is making a daily list of the good things in your job, your career, and your life.

Write down a list of “Three Good Things” that happened to you each day and your brain will be forced to scan all the positives. A variation on the Three Good Things exercise is to write a short journal entry about a positive experience. It makes the meaning and purpose in your job more apparent, so that you can start connecting to your calling, making you happier, which means your brain will be functioning at a high level for more of the time! GO!

Principle #4 Falling Up

The most successful people see adversity not as a stumbling block, but as a stepping-stone to greatness. Take Michael Jordan, for example, who was cut from his high school basketball team, or Walt Disney who was fired by a newspaper editor for not being creative enough. In their successful careers, these men describe those moments of “falling up” as a learning experience that shaped them to who they were to become. Michael Jordan once said, “I’ve failed over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed.” Michael Jordan knows what it means to “Fall Up.”

At the end of this chapter, Shawn Achor writes:

Above all, remember that success is not about never falling down or even simply about falling down and getting back up over and over. Success is about more than resilience. It’s about using that downward momentum to propel ourselves in the opposite direction. It’s about capitalizing on setbacks and adversity to become even happier, even more motivated, and even more successful. It’s not falling down, it’s falling up.

Challenge:
It is humbling to me that, while God could have chosen any way to tell His story, He picked us. We are constantly messing up and that is exactly why He chose us! God is not concerned with the perfect picture, but our stories of restoration! Below are some questions to journal about this week:

What are some of those “falling up” moments in your life?
What did you learn about yourself?
What did you learn about people?
How can failure in your life benefit your leadership and your team?

The less I try to do everything, the more I value the abilities and gifts of the people around me. Just after returning from a sabbatical where my wife, Andre, and I spent considerable time choosing priorities and prioritizing family, I promised to speak at two different events on consecutive nights of the week. When I sheepishly reported my plan, she reminded me of our shared commitment.

I hate having to call someone back to change my answer, but knew it was the right thing to do. This is when I stumbled upon a significant truth. Every opportunity not right for me brings an opportunity for someone else. When I claim more than what I can handle, I limit the opportunities for another person in my community. In essence, when we choose to do what we ought to do, forsaking all else, we create opportunities and access for others.

When I declined the speaking opportunity, I asked if I could recommend a friend of mine who would be incredible for their gathering. This created access to a new opportunity for him. My “no” turned into someone else’s “yes.”

Have you ever stopped to think about how you have arrived where you are today? I guarantee you that someone gave you an opportunity. Someone believed in your abilities and gave you a platform to live out what it is that makes you breathe today. Don’t we all want to be part of a community that has the best interest of others at its heart?

The greatest love you can give a friend is to help him or her find and achieve their calling. Let me say it another way. My greatest responsibility as a friend is to help others discover what only they are made to do. I want to be involved in a community that does everything possible to help each other find the unique value that only they can contribute to the world. I want to be a part of a community that works together to create platforms for that talent. I want to do less, so my friends can do what only they can do.

When you think about your aspirations for your closest friends do you really want them to succeed? Are you willing to celebrate their victories the way you’d celebrate your own? Wouldn’t you love to join a community of people helping each other pursue their dreams, aspirations, and purposes?

It starts with you and it starts with me. As you walk through your day, think about the people you love. How can you use your influence to help them succeed? What access do you have that can further the calling of a friend? When you give your opportunities and energy to serve the calling of others, everyone wins.

Jeff Shinabarger is the author of More or Less: Choosing a Lifestyle of Excessive Generosity. He is a social entrepreneur, experience designer, cofounder of the Q event, and creative director at Catalyst. He is also the founder of Plywood People, an innovative community addressing social needs through creative services. He’s been featured in national media such as CNN, NPR, and Relevant Magazine and has been interviewed by the Atlanta Journal-Constitution and the Chicago Sun-Times, among others. He and his family live in East Atlanta Village.

• Move toward them, not the other way around. If you wait around for your college-agers to contact you, it may not happen, or it’ll happen in August when they’re heading off again. Initiate a conversation before they come home—like now. Reach out to say you’d love to connect at some point when they get home.

• Buy them something to eat or drink. Free food never gets old. And hopefully, the latte, or burger, lends itself to meaningful conversation that will lay the groundwork for more connections throughout the summer.

• Invite them to your house/apartment/domicile/abode. Face it, conversations tend to go deeper and more vulnerable in your living room, than they will in, say Dairy Queen. Inviting someone into your space is also a way of communicating that you trust and enjoy them. Free food is also appreciated in this setting as well.

With each of these ideas, remember that you’re there for them, not the other way around. So, be a good listener, letting them process what’s happened this year without adding a bunch of personal commentary. (Sometimes commentary is necessary. As a general rule, however, listen more than you talk.)

Come August, the goal is to leave them heading back to school knowing that you genuinely care about who they are and how God is working in their story.

Abbie Smith is the co-author of The Slow Fade, and a writer and partner support for XP3 College. Abbie’s latest book, Celibate Sex: Musings on Being Loved, Single, Twisted, and Holy, is now available at most online retailers.

Sign up NOW—with code YouLead149—for the special price of $149 (regularly $199). Offer ends May 31, 2013.

YouLead will help you integrate the Orange Strategy with your team in a natural way by tackling the specific issues you and your team face in the reality of everyday ministry.

And now you can get a subscription to the new and improved YouLead for only $149! With a subscription to YouLead, you will have access to our ENTIRE library to utilize at your own pace iand in your own way. It’s up to you to determine how and when you want to lead.

At $149, that’s about $12 a month for leadership development for your entire church!

YouLead’s library gives you one primary thing—choice. You know how you want to lead, so we’ve given you the option to select the training resources you or your team most need when you need them, based on a variety of themes.

WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING:

“We love using the resources from YouLead for our family ministry team meetings and volunteer training events. The topical format of the issues is perfect for focused conversations that directly relate to our vision.” ~Rick, Maryland

“My volunteers tell me all the time that the weekly YouLead emails not only help them be better small group leaders, but the content in the emails helps them at home and at work too.” ~Rachel, Florida

Developed by Orange, YouLead is designed to develop the leadership skills of yourself, your team and your volunteers. It centers on answering three basic questions: What can I do to continue learning as a leader? How can I be intentional about connecting with my volunteers consistently? What can we do to stay on the same page as a team? We do this by creating materials that can be digested in 20 easy minutes. Click here to learn more about a subscription to YouLead.

My favorite part of American Idol is the first couple of weeks when folks are auditioning for their golden ticket to be “through to Hollywood.” I can’t hide the fact that I enjoy seeing those well-intended American Idol hopefuls make a “joyful noise.” It is both comical and painful to watch as they stand in front of the celebrity judges and sing a tone-deaf rendition of “I Will Always Love You.” Bless their hearts.

I often ask my husband, “Where are these people’s friends and family? Why do they let them go on national television and make total fools of themselves?”

I think that the reality is, we live in a culture where we are told, “You can be anything you want to be in life, all you have to do is put your mind to it.” The truth is, while that makes us all feel warm and fuzzy, it is the farthest thing from reality. Well, kind of.

You may have heard it said it like this: “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

This week, we will be reading about another principle of The Happiness Advantage.

Principle #2: The Fulcrum and Lever

Our power to maximize our potential is based on two important things:

1. The length of our lever: How much potential power and possibility we believe we have.
2. The position of our fulcrum: The mindset with which we generate the power to change.

Last week, we read about exercising our Signature Strengths. We all have things we are naturally good at. The key is being self-aware enough to recognize what they are, and what they are not. When we can pinpoint what skills we have, then that is the position of our lever. We all have skills, and strengthening those skills comes from where we place our fulcrum. The author is not suggesting we can be anything we want to be, he is telling us that we can be anything we want to be, once we understand what we are actually good at.

William Hung, a 2004 American Idol hopeful—who gained fame due to his terrible audition of a Ricky Martin song—may not be a great singer, but he does have a gift in something. He just needed guidance in where his potential was and what his limits were. (Sure, we can all be American Idols in the car or in the shower—give me a hairbrush and a mirror and my favorite Adele song and I sound exactly like her. Wink.)

After High School graduation I went to college and because I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, I lasted two years before dropping out. I had never been great at school and felt that I had no hope in college, so I quit. You see, I don’t think that I started college with the mindset that ministry was something I could do. It wasn’t until I had spent some time doing ministry on my own, watched others do ministry, and was affirmed by others that I began believing that I could benefit from getting my degree. Once I had decided that I could, I did! The reason I was able to finish up my degree was because this time around, I adjusted the fulcrum and lever. I recognized my strength and skill, I believed I could achieve my goal, and then I made the adjustments in my life and heart to make it happen.

God has gifted us all in different areas; the key is having the self-awareness to know what they are and then to use them! Recognize your strengths and grow them!

As a leader, we should hope to engage our team with positivity and inspire them by reminding them the meaning behind what they are doing. Earlier in the book, the author writes about Chip Conley, an innovative hotelier who likes to ask his employees:

“Forget your current job title. What would our customers call your job title if they described it by the impact you have on their lives?”

The fastest way to disengage an employee is to tell him his work is meaningful only because of the paycheck. You can have the best job in the world, but if you can’t find meaning in it, you won’t enjoy it. What we expect from people (and from ourselves) manifests itself in the words we use, and those words can have a powerful effect on end results.

Challenge:

In this chapter we are encouraged to ask ourselves the following questions every Monday:

1. Do I believe that the intelligence and skills of my employees are not fixed, but can be improved with effort?
2. Do I believe that my employees want to make that effort, just as they want to find meaning and fulfillment in their jobs?
3. How am I conveying these beliefs in my daily words and actions?